The Reality of Second Year

So second year is over abruptly. Though yes I am still online doing my work, we had to make a unexpected move out of the house and move back home. To me it feels like this year is over, learning is still going on but the rest of the uni experience is over and I am kind of sad about it.

Second year, the first year where grades actually count for something, which is sightly terrifying. This year overall has been a lot more fun but with a few more breakdowns and more stress. Yes, the end of second year was tough and frustrating, with strikes left right and centre and coronavirus everywhere, it wasn't the worst year ever. This year consisted of several breakdowns, over what I couldn't tell you (I have no clue), but my friends definitely are what made this year more enjoyable, even during social distancing. 

Going into second year I wasn't really that excited to delve back into the whole learning process after what felt like forever off, because let's be honest 4 months is a long time. Being used to only 6 weeks between summer and a new term, I was very rusty in the first few weeks to say the least. This time around it took a lot more effort to get my motivational juices flowing but they came eventually (I think). In second year the content tends to become more specialised towards your actual degree, everything is a bit less broad, and that is what I have really loved about second year. I love learning more about specific marine life rather than just general biology. So for me I had modules based around vertebrates, marine species physiology and behaviour and marine ecology. Ecology and marine vertebrates, is something I want to specialise in the future so I did love the modules this year.

Depending on your living situation you tend to live in a house in second year rather than halls, and this gives you a lot more comfort and freedom. Living with your friends and just chilling in front of the TV with mario kart is a lot more enjoyable than being stuck in a dingy box room, which is what is struggled with mentally last year. In second year you feel more at home, you aren't really adjusting to university life anymore. Though stress and anxiety may be on the up, with an increased work load and pressure to get good grades that actually have to go towards your final grade. That along with starting to some what choose dissertation topics and the looming final year of university just around the corner, can be quite daunting (unless like me you are thinking of a masters to put of the impending doom of adult hood). This to me is slightly terrifying as, if I am honest, I am a perfectionist and this year has not been going too perfect grades wise, but I am hoping to pull it back in the online exams.

Overall learning gets harder, exams are tougher and overall motivation may be lacking in second year. However, the overall university experience in my opinion gets better. Do not revise too hard and make sure you have time to spend with your friends, have fun because it is nearly all over. I think my second year experience, like many others, is one that hopefully will not be repeated. Next year will hopefully be a little bit more on the normal front but I have no doubt it will bring another tonne of stress to add to my pile.

Around a year ago I posted my reality of first year of university, so if you are starting university next year and want to read it click here

Moving Away From Fast Fashion

In today’s climate it is important to think about becoming more sustainable, whether that be by reducing your plastic usage or going vegan. One topic people are unaware of however, is the impact of the fast fashion industry. We talk about the water usage involved in factory farming methods, though did you know it can take around 300 million gallons of water to create just one cotton t-shirt, with clothing also taking nearly 100 years to decompose in landfill when you get bored of it. The fashion industry is worth trillions of pounds and is the second highest polluting industry on earth, contributing to 10% of the worlds global carbon emissions.

The fast fashion industry hides low paid, badly treated workers and use of toxic harmful chemicals that in turn are harming our waters. The workers of this industry do not have rights and only 2% of them actually earn the living wage, not able to support their families after working all day in gruelling conditions. This needs to stop, no person should have to work in such conditions for a toxic industry.

More so than ever people are realising the implications of fast fashion, stop placing endless orders on ASOS without knowing the effects it is causing. You are contributing to the second biggest polluter on our planet. How many times do you wear that new top you bought? How many clothes have you thrown out? There are alternatives to the fast fashion industry.

Shop at Charity Shops
A simple and cheap way to avoid fast fashion. I do this all the time! I find amazing one of a kind pieces in charity shops, you have just got to keep an eye out. Along with charity shops there is Depop online, where you can search for what you want and find some gems. These are great alternatives to fast fashion shopping and often end up being a whole lot cheaper. I used to spend a lot of money at places like Topshop or New Look, now, however I can spend less than £20 and get lots of amazing pieces that no one else will have! Rather than throwing out your clothes into landfill, donate them to charities so that someone who really needs clothes can enjoy the items you never wear anymore.  You could even repurpose your old clothes, adjust them, find new ways to wear them that doesn't involve throwing them out.

Shop Sustainably
There are companies out there who make sustainable clothing items and treat their workers fairly, with suitable pay. More and more companies are popping up with good ethics behind their clothing items, you just have to know where to look. Companies like TALA are great alternative to fast fashion gym wear brands, they use ethically sourced materials and landfill waste to create their items and pay their workers fairly. Lucy and Yak is an ethically sourced company selling beautiful clothing items. If you are looking for sustainably made underwear then Organic Basics is a great place! They use eco-friendly materials to make their items and sell all the basics you will need. Yes, these shops may be a little on the pricer side but you are not just paying more for nothing. You are paying more so that their workers get fair pay, you are paying more for good quality materials that won't just break after a week of wear, you are paying for sustainability that will work out cheaper for you in the long run. Why do you think fast fashion websites and shops sell items so cheap? Because of the use of cheap materials and low paid workers.

Not everyone has to be perfect with this movement, but aiming to buy less fast fashion items will help the planet immensely. We need to put an end to flash sales on cheaply made items and pull together to help make a more sustainable fashion industry.

Deeplight Review

Deeplight by Frances Hardinge was a very different book to anything I have read. I know they say you shouldn't pick a book based on the front cover but this time, being the ocean lover that I am, I caved. Though upon reading the blurb I was very intrigued about this books storyline.

Set in an alternate reality in chains of islands of the Myriad, where gods once rose from the Undersea and ruled, Hark and Jelt now live. Years ago the Gods destroyed each other by the power of their hearts, leaving their 'godware' behind. 14 year old Hark scapes through life scavenging for this powerful 'godware' to earn his way. However, a failed endeavour leaves him paying his debts to a scientist. There he discovers a still beating 'godware' heart, not truly understanding the full power it still holds. Hark knows is he needs to keep it out of prying hands, though uses it to save his friend who is near death, due to Jelts dangerous antics and unwillingness to leave Hark alone. It appears there are repercussions to this act, as Jelt begins to change into something unrecognisable to Hark. He is forced to leave his friend behind that is if he isn't already lost. 

This world was a beautiful creation and is intricately described like nothing I have ever read before, that is what kept me wanting to read more. The tales of the 'sea kissed' (those who are deaf from their time at sea) tell an intricate tale of the Myriad that is compelling to the reader to delve further into this world. The relationship between Hark and Jelt is complex and based around friends who once had no one else but each other, until Hark moved on leading to Jelt's jealousy to grow ever fonder. This storyline has a fascination with the sea in an alternate reality and it is mesmerising to read about, as the characters themselves still resemble the behaviours of humans in todays world. This book is something different to delve into but it is something I recommend you to do. A complex yet welcoming universe that you cannot help but keep coming back to.

Vegan | 4 Years On

It's me again, checking in on the whole veganism thing, with it now being 2020 I have been vegan for 4 years. I can confidently say the this past year I have not slipped up and drunkly ate some chicken, I now stick to the vegan kind of drunk foods.

I think 2019 and 2020 have been the year for vegan foods there is so much variety on the shelves these days. Even in lockdown people are choosing to bulk buy vegan food that they may not usually eat, yes this may be because their usual food has run out, but it’a good business for the vegan companies. Though a little annoying for the vegans who now have lacking choice of food.

This past year of being vegan I have put of the most muscle mass I have in my life, so everyone saying that vegan lifters cannot build muscle, prove me wrong. I have increased muscle mass and upped my weight to a healthy set point for me on a full vegan diet that is (for the most part) full of good food, if we discount all the burgers and tubs of ice cream I consume. A vegan diet keeps me full and satiated to carry out my workouts based around strong compound movements. No I do not need chicken or eggs to fuel my deadlifts or squats. I sometimes take a vegan protein if I am feeling like it but often enough I get enough protein from the whole foods I eat, and yes ice cream is included as a whole food in my world.

A vegan diet has helped me to truly love my body for how strong it now is and how cruelty free my life is thanks to veganism. Being vegan helped me to fall in love with food again, it helped me to be balanced and love myself. It is the most sustainable thing any one of you can do to help the planet. It drastically reduces water usage around the globe and cuts the need for cruel factory farming methods, saving innocent lives. It can save on thousands of gallons of water and grains that can be used to feed those people in need. It is also much better for your health, with reduced cholesterol levels and blood pressure. I personally believe that veganism is the only way forward for our planet to be sustainable as the way we are currently going about life just isn’t. We can’t continue mass producing cruelty. Factory farming isn’t sustainable and frankly isn’t humane either. Most diseases these days exist as a result of animal consumption by humans, the pandemic we are in the midsts of caused someone eating a raw bat, the only question I ask is why? Swine flu, from pigs. This surely tells you that animal consumption is not the answer for human health, it is the better interest of ourselves and the planet to go vegan or at least make steps towards it.

Some Books I Recommend

With time on our hands right now I thought I would share some of my recent favourite books that I highly recommend. Most of these books are part of a series so this list shall keep you busy for the foreseeable future.

1. Wolf by Wolf

This is a book I read many years ago, and still I hold it near the top of my favourite books. Based in the year 1956 under the rule of the Third Riech and Imperial Japan Rule. A victorious Hitler and Emperor Hirohito created an Axis tour, a motorcycle race across the continents. It follows the story of Yael, a former death camp prisoner and part of the resistance, a character I grow to love. She possess five wolf tattoos representative of people she has lost. She is given the task to win the Axis Tour and murder Hitler. Yael is no ordinary girl, she has the ability to skin shift, a side effect of her tortures, giving her the ability to complete her task impersonating last years Axis tour champion, Adele Wolf. People of Adeles past present challenges for Yael as she grows ever closer to her fellow competitors. This book follows her journey in her assassination attempt of Hitler and her struggle to decide what is right for her.

2. Throne of Glass

This series is truly encapsulating and I have a love for Sarah J. Maas' work. It follows the life of a former prisoner in Endovier, 18 year old assassin Celaena Sardonthien. She is offered release by the Prince Dorian, on the condition she is to be his champion, in a contest to find the new royal assassin. Should she win, she will be granted freedom after 4 years service as assassin for the crown. One by one rounds of the contest are completed and one by one contestants end up dead. This book follows Celaena dealing with life outside Endovier and her life in court, amongst deadly situations she finds herself in. This is the first book in a mesmerising series.

3. A Darker Shade of Magic 

Kell is a traveller and the last of his kind, he serves the Maresh Empire as an ambassador, though behind closed doors he is a smuggler moving between Red London and dull Grey London. His luck runs out as a transaction goes awry, he escapes Grey London running into Delilah Bard, a cunning thief. She robs him only to them save his life from a known enemy, in return she wants adventure. Little do the two know, darkness is around the corner as magic is on treacherous grounds.

4. An Ember in the Ashes 

Inspired by Ancient Rome in the Martial Empire, defiance leads to death. Those who do not give themselves to the empire face blood and death. Laia a slave girl, lives in this world, her and her family do not challenge the empire. Though one day her brother is arrested and so things change. In promise of saving her brother Laia promises to spy on the court within the military academy for the rebels. There she meets Elias, a talented, secretly unwilling soldier. He longs to be free just like Laia and so it appears there destinies become intertwined, as they both question the Empires rule.

5. Travellers in the Third Riech

A bit of a different read for me, though I still couldn't put it down. This book describes the history of the rise of the Nazi's to power from first hand accounts of all types of people. These accounts help you relive a three dimensional German world. This book gave me a sense of despair for the people involved as they tell their accounts of what their lives were like in a time so tragic.

Feeling Low in Lockdown?

Around this weird time it is normal to feel low. Having to be forced to stay inside and away from your friends and family is a tough situation. Feeling down in times like this is okay, just know that you are not alone. Yes, it may feel like no one understands because no one is there to listen, but trust me in saying, everyone across the whole world is feeling somewhat the same as you right now.

This is a tricky time, especially for those suffering with mental health issues. Do not let yourself fall into a rut doing nothing and getting stuck in your own thoughts. Keep yourself busy, learn a new hobby. Who knows what you will become a pro at during this lockdown? You have the time to do that thing you have always wanted to do, keep your mind busy. During this time I have retaken up reading and trust me in saying I have plenty of books to keep my mind busy. Reading helps my mind wander from the harsh realities of what is going on around us and it takes my mind off missing my friends. Now, I have taken up writing again, 100th time lucky? maybe I will actually stick to it this time for longer than a few weeks. I do these things because I know if I do not keep busy, I will most likely go insane stuck inside, and this is coming from a naturally introverted person.

Some calming hobbies

• Reading 
• Painting 
• Colouring
• Embroidery 
• Working out
• Go for a walk
• Learning new things 

You will get through this sad time, just remember you are not in it alone. There are things you can get out of this weird situation we are living.

Hi, It's Me Again

Oh look she disappeared again. Hi, I am back for now I guess. With everything that has been going on around the world lately, I wanted to come back to my safe space to take my mind of everything, because let us be honest, right now, nothing feels real. The world is in a crazy place right now and for some that can be quite hard to cope with. Lockdown is tough when you rely on your friends to keep your sprits up during tough times, it can feel lonely, but everyone is with you in this. 

So yes I left for awhile, again. University got hard and frustrating. All our assignments were given to us in the same month, just before the whole world went up in flames. If I am honest, 2020 has been a little bit crap if you ask me and I have been struggling to remain positive. But after making a rather fast departure from my university home, I am now bored of staying inside, though I know it is for a good reason, and so here I am. Life will soon go back to 'somewhat normality' and this will all be in the past, but for now we all have to stay home and stay safe.

There are positives to come out of this though. Have you seen the latest pollution levels around the world? significantly down, and yes this is probably just temporary but it is still a good thing. Dolphins swimming in the canals of Venice? beautiful. Everywhere animals roaming around the bare streets, it is rather amusing to say the least. All it took was a global pandemic for the world to start healing again. Take a walk outside and take in the silence, the fresher air. I am not going to talk much about the whole looming virus, as quite frankly I am sick of hearing about it and cannot wait for the day that this is over. 

For the time being however, I am sticking to keeping myself busy, learning, reading and now writing it seems. I do not want to promise I will continue writing but it is something I am going to do for now, for the few people who read this and for myself. 

Everyone stay safe and inside, this will all blow over soon.

The Past Decade

I was once a girl who dressed in bright clothes and odd headbands. 10 years later, I am still that girl.

What has this past decade taught me? Well I started the 2010’s as a bright eyed, energetic 10 year old. I was a classic tom boy who loved climbing and swimming but also loved reading. Fast forward 10 years I’m now a less more energetic 20 year old who along the way has fought some battles, met some beautiful people and the most terrifying part is I became an adult.

The thing they do not teach you growing up is how to deal with emotions and changes going on with your body and life. From the age of 10 to 20 my body has gone through a lot of changes. I’ve been from primary school, to secondary school, to sixth form and now to uni. I made friends, I lost friends. I learnt a whole lot and not just to do with the academic side of things.

At the start of the decade I was faced with the excitement and nerves that came with starting secondary school. I loved learning and knew I was going to a new school with some of my best friends. A new beginning was what I wanted.

When I turned 12 I struggled with the changes that was happening in my life and in order to deal with it I turned to controlling behaviours surrounding food. For me this part of the decade was one of my toughest. I was blindsided as to what I was doing to my body and was hurting the people around me. I was consumed in my thoughts and do not really remember a whole lot from this time as I mentally blocked it out. 2012-2013 was rather tough on me mentally but I got through it and learnt a lot about myself in doing so, I used to not like what I saw in the mirror and now almost 8 years later I have learned to love and accept my figure.

2013 was the year I started this blog. I wanted somewhere to create, somewhere I could write about the things I was passionate about. Yes, overtime my passions have changed and I have taken many breaks from this site. But looking back I am glad I did this, I am proud of what I write about even if not many people see it and I think I will always come back to writing as a way to express myself.

2014, year 9, not a whole lot to say, not a lot happened, a walk in the park compared to all the other years if you ask me

2015, the start of GCSE’s, the start of the stress. The perfectionist I am I tried my hardest these years, I revised my butt off and stressed maybe a little too much. Now I know those results do not mean a whole lot to anyone, they probably weren’t worth the stress I put myself under, but I got the results I wanted and results I am proud of. I also began my veganism journey and expanded my knowledge on the harsh realities of animal cruelty, this year was when I started to want to make a difference to help.

2016 marked the start of sixth form. Moving schools again was a daunting prospect to a girl who is now more reserved and quiet when compared to her 10 year old self. I liked to stay out of gossip and not draw attention to myself, I liked fitting in. Sixth form was the biggest jump for me. We were thrown into a group of people who already knew each other, all had their own groups and a completely new environment. I was nervous but quickly found my feet in my new lessons and settled into a group of friends who welcomed the new kids with open arms

2017, where I loved sixth form and got into the swing of the new school fully. I had experienced so many new things, had relationships, learnt the stresses of the A-level workload and been to a few parties. All of this was new to the quiet now 17 year old me, but here was where I came out of my shell and developed more as a person to who I am today and I am thankful for the experiences I had in sixth form. I was comfortable in my body, I started the gym and no longer wanted to just ‘fit in’.

2018 was the final year before I was set free to move away to uni. This year I continued to grow as a person, I found myself and became a girl I am proud to be. I learnt to never be ashamed of what happens in your past because it makes you who you are today. This year impacted my mental health, something I hadn’t really thought of since 2013. Stress got the better of me and I found myself struggling with my A-levels, no matter how hard I revised. This year again was tough but I got through it with the help of friends and family and managed to get into my chosen university that was Bangor.

Moving away from home was daunting. I have always been a home body who didn’t enjoy being away, but I had to give it a try. I moved into Bangor initially not knowing anyone, I was alone for the first time in a while. I had always loved the sea and so I plunged into choosing a marine vertebrae zoology course which I still to this day love. Within the first few days I met two amazing girls and over our time at university we have become extremely close and share a whole lot with each other, they made the whole living alone situation a lot easier and I am proud to now call them my housemates. This year I also met a very special person to me. I wasn’t even really looking for him but he found me and I could not have asked for a better companion to go throw the crazy life that is university with me. With him I feel I can truly be myself and he accepts every part of me without judgement. I fell in love with the gym more than ever and I also restarted my blog wanting to write about things that I have battled with and things that I believed in.

2019 brought more university life and some crazy experiences. My course has been so insightful and interesting, something I truly do love to learn about. My friends are beautiful humans and I have met even more lovely people along the way. Yes this year may have been one of the toughest for me mentally towards the end of this year, but I have had a solid unit of friends around me to keep me going through the stress of second year and I couldn’t ask for better people to be moving into 2020 with.

So yes this past decade I have had my struggles. I have changed a whole lot. I had had up’s and downs. But this past decade I have found myself as a person and I have grown into someone I am proud to be. I learned to start to love myself and that I continue to try and do, so that I can properly love the people around me.

Plastic Swaps

By 2050 there will be more plastic in our oceans than marine life. As more organisms die due to our own plastic pollution in their oceans something needs to be done. Plastic needs to be gone from our oceans, it does not degrade, it stays there, for years on end being carried from continent to continent withheld in the currents and in the forms of micro plastics. Marine organisms end up consuming it or becoming entangled, leading to death. Species of turtles and whales are facing extinction because of us. In the very near future there may be no more sea creatures left, simply due to the effects of plastic and we will lose a beautiful and essential part of our ecosystem.

Reducing your plastic usage is simple.

Simple Swaps 

• Bagged produce - for unpackaged produce with reusable produce bags 
• Toothbrush - for a bamboo toothbrush (completely compostable)
• Floss - for bamboo toothpicks
• Plastic bottle - for stainless steel water bottle
• Single use coffee cup - for stainless steel or bamboo coffee cup
• Stop with the single use straws and stirrers - use a plain old metal spoon to stir your drinks and invest in some metal or bamboo straws
• Sanitary products - invest in a moon cup or washable pads, yes they are still sanitary and hygenic (Bloom&Nora)
• Use flannels and reusable cotton rounds made from fabric (Cheeky Wipes)
• Cleaning products - look for refillable or glass bottled cleaning products (Plastic Freedom), there is often a shop offering this in your local area (Chester one - (Just Footprints)
• Beauty products - try to look for things packaged in glass, wood or even packaging free items, Lush has some amazing minimal packaging makeup items such as concealer (Lush)
• Pasta/rice/flour etc - go to your local bulk buy store and take your own containers (Chester one - Just Footprints)
• Notebooks - avoid leather and plastic covered notebooks and opt for recycled paper ones (Ethical Market)

These are just a few swaps you can make to make a difference. Yes there is a lot of mention of bamboo here, but the reason for that is it is a great resource to replace plastic. Bamboo is one of the fastest growing plants on the planet and so large amounts of it can be used in a short space of time as the regrowth is amazing. Also, with increasing funding being put into the plastic issue, more biodegradable alternatives are being tried and tested in the hopes to be used in the manufacturing industry. Here is a link to a post showing just a few (Packaging Alternatives). If this postive approach is to continue we can see our oceans and eradicate plastics for good.You do not have to go and do every single one of these steps to make an impact. Just one of these swaps will help reduce your plastic consumption by a considerable amount, more than you realise. The time is now to save our oceans or otherwise they will be past repair.

What You Should Know Starting Uni

Starting university is a daunting prospect, especially if you haven't ever really lived from home. It is stepping into the unknown, being thrown into a flat with people you most likely do not know and into a routine that is unfamiliar to you. But everyone is in the same boat as you. Freshers week is the perfect chance to mingle and make new friends, especially if you are a fan of going out. Take part in the themed nights out, no doubt you will make fast friends (which always happens when you are drunk, whether you remember them or not the next day is another story). However if you are more like me and not the biggest fan of going out to clubs then do not worry, you can still enjoy your university experience. You do not have to drink to enjoy uni.Take the time finding people who enjoy what you enjoy, go to serendipity, join a society, talk to people on your course. Eventually you will find your 'click'. And if you already know people at your university, great! you will become even closer as you all go through the whirlwind if university together.

There is a big culture behind university, mostly partying and drinking.

With studying and your workload be prepared to be left to your own devices, here it is much more important to be reliant on yourself and  to actually be dedicated to your own work. No teacher is going to be chasing after you if you do not do the work so making sure you can step up and be more mature about the whole process is important. If you do not complete the essay you were given chances are your overall grade at the end of the year will not be quite what you wanted. Invest in a planner, a pin board where you can jot down all of your deadlines to keep on top of everything. The best thing I learnt in first year? Do not leave it till last minute, the stress really is not worth it.

As for living on your own, that for me was the scariest part. I would have liked to have thought that before uni I was quite self sufficient but boy was I wrong when I got to uni. Simple tasks like washing the dishes, doing the washing and cleaning became a lot of effort but something that unfortunately needed doing. I somehow actually learnt to cook (kind of) in first year. Bearing in mind my 'cooking' is mostly throwing whatever I have in the cupboard and fridge into a pan, cooking it and then calling it a meal, but it worked I guess. Looking for cheaper finds to what you may have been used to at home will help your student loan go that little bit further, for example buying supermarkets own brand beans instead of Heinz (they taste the same anyway)

Before you know it first year will be over and you will be starting second year (like me) and you will soon realise that the first time around you were lucky with your workload, as trust me it gets heavier. First year may have felt like a breeze but second time around it all counts, so make the most of it.

How to Deal With Body Dysmorphia

Body dysmorphia is a lot more common than you think, most people tend to associate them with eating disorders and though there is a strong correlation between the two, anyone can suffer from this condition.

Previously I have spoken about the reality of an eating disorder and my struggles, I touched upon my struggles with body dysmorphia. From a very young age my ideal views of what I 'should' look like were drilled into my brain with media images of perfectly airbrushed bodies being slammed into my face. The impact of those images on young girls can be detrimental and it is this that spiralled my eating disorder and dysmorphia.

Body dysmorphia is seeing a figure in the mirror you deem as severely flawed. Your mind basically portrays flaws that will be unnoticeable to those around you. For me I saw myself as 'fat' when in reality I was in the grasps of anorexia sitting at around less than 6 stone. Body dysmorphia makes you see fat when in reality there is bone. It will make you obsess over cellulite or stretch marks when they in fact are normal and beautiful. The persons image of themselves becomes distorted and they obsess over trying to conceal those flaws. The painful thing for sufferers of body dysmorphia is that it does not easily go away. It is embedded in your mind and retraining yourself to think that your body is beautiful and you are good enough is something that is incredibly hard to do. Instead of picking out your flaws, pick out what you like about yourself. For me I like my eyes, my strong legs and my freckles, it may be random but it helps you to concentrate on the positives you see in yourself and not putting yours down.

Though yes, today I am weight restored from my eating disorder, I do still struggle with body dysmorphia. It has become an on going battle that I do not intend on giving into. I therefore prove that body dysmorphia does not have to only affect someone who is overweight or underweight, it can affect anyone and those people suffering with it should seek help. I struggled at 6 stone and I still struggle at 9 stone, there is no grey area with this mental illness. Just because you are recovered from whatever eating disorder you may have had it does not mean you are fully ok. Body dysmorphia may linger and it is ok to seek further help for it, whether it is speaking to a therapist to help retrain your thoughts or simply just speak to a friend. Everybody is beautiful no matter the size or marks or battles is has been through. It is worthy of your love.

My Current Gym Routine

I have been going to the gym now for around 2 years consistently and within that timeframe I would say I have been training heavy for around a year, more so the last six months. I have hit many plateaus on my weight training journey. I have had times where I have been unmotivated and times where I have whacked out PB's left right and centre. Recently I have been loving my routine and love lifting a heavier weight each time.

I typically train 5-6 times a week currently with a workout split of three lower body days and two to three upper body days with abs and cardio worked into those sessions. With my compound movements I aim to add weight on and lower the reps in order to build my overall strength, then with the isolation exercises I tend to do higher reps with more focus on doing slow and controlled movements to help tone the muscle. 

Day 1 - Legs 

Warm up stretches 

Back squats - work up to 3x5 on 70kg followed by 2x2-3 on 80kg

Front squats - work up to 3x5 on 50kg

RDL (with dumbbells)- 3x8 on 18kg per leg, superset with 3x8 on 12kg

Hip-thrusts - 3x12 with 26kg dumbbell, superset with 3x12 with resistance band

Leg press (with resistance band) - 3x8 on 155kg

Donkey kicks on cable machine - 3x8 per leg

Goblet squat - 3x8 with 26kg dumbbell, superset with 3x8 bodyweight jump-squats 

Box jumps - 5x8

Day 2 - Shoulders, Chest and Triceps 

Warm up stretches

Barbell chest press - work up to 5x5 on 30kg

Dumbbell chest press - 3x10 with 10kg per arm

Cable flys - 3x8 

Dumbbell shoulder press - 3x8 with 10kg per arm

Barbell shoulder press - 3x5 with 20kg barbell 

Single arm lateral raises on cable machine - 3x10 per arm

Front lateral raises - 3x10 with 4kg dumbbell, superset with side lateral raises

Tricep press - 3x8 with 8kg dumbbells

Skull-crushers - 3x8 

Tricep extension on cable machine - 3x10

10 minute row

Day 3 - Legs

Warm up stretches

Back squats - work up to 2x5 on 85kg

RDL (with dumbbells)- 3x8 on 18kg per leg, superset with 3x8 on 12kg

Hip-thrusts - 3x12 with 26kg dumbbell, superset with 3x12 with resistance band

Single leg, leg press - 3x8 per leg

Donkey kicks on cable machine - 3x8 per leg 

Leg extension - 3x10 

Goblet squat - 3x8 with 26kg dumbbell, superset with 3x8 bodyweight jump-squats 

Box jumps - 5x8

Day 4 - Back and Biceps

Deadlifts - work up to 5x4 at 80-90kg

Barbell rows - 5x8 on 40kg

Cable rows - 3x10

Lateral pulldowns - 3x10

Face pulls - 3x8

Dumbbells single arm rows - 3x8 per arm with 16kg 

Bent over rows with dumbbells - 3x8 with 5kg in each arm

Hammer curls - 3x8 per arm with 9kg dumbbells 

Bicep curls with dumbbells - 3x8 with 4kg

Bicep curls with bar - 3x10 at 12.5kg

10 minute row or abs 

Day 5 - Legs

Warm up stretches

Front squats - work up to 5x5 on 50kg

RDL (with dumbbells)- 3x8 on 18kg per leg, superset with 3x8 on 12kg

Hip-thrusts - 3x12 with 26kg dumbbell, superset with 3x12 with resistance band

Bulgarian split squats - 3x6-8 per leg with 12kg dumbbells in each hand

Leg press (with resistance band) - 3x8 on 155kg

Donkey kicks on cable machine - 3x8 per leg

Goblet squat - 3x8 with 26kg dumbbell, superset with 3x8 bodyweight jump-squats 

Box jumps - 5x8

Abs

Day 6 - Back and Shoulders 

Deadlifts - work up to 5x4 at 80-90kg

Barbell rows - 5x8 on 40kg

Cable rows - 3x10

Lateral pulldowns - 3x10

Dumbbell shoulder press - 3x8 with 10kg per arm

Barbell shoulder press - 3x5 with 20kg barbell 

Single arm lateral raises on cable machine - 3x10 per arm

Front lateral raises - 3x10 with 4kg dumbbell, superset with side lateral raises

10 minute row or abs

If I make it to day 6 and I am still motivated to work out it is a good workout week for me and I can assure you that rarely happens. By the time I reach the end of the week my body is tired and everything feels heavy. But that is okay because it is just your body telling you to rest. Rest and fuelling your body is just as important as working out.

The Reality of First Year

It really does feel like only yesterday when I moved into my university room and waved good-bye to my parents as they left me survive in the student world. But now first year is over,  I guess it is onto second year now (if I pass).

There is so much hype around going to university everyone boasting about how it is the best years of your life, maybe I am doing it wrong. Yes, I love my life here in Bangor but the actual university side of life here has been quite daunting. 

Leaving Friends 

This was probably the hardest for me. I have always had a safety net of friends with me whatever club or school I have moved to, I always followed people. University was the first time I was plummeted into a lonely abyss where I knew no-one in the first few days. I was lonely and envied my friends from home who looked like they were having the time of their lives in freshers, I guess I was jealous. I left many friends from home but gained many new ones. I found people I knew and found out how amazing they are as friends. They took me in and made me feel included and we have shared so many moments together both drunk and sober. I cannot wait to move in with them next year. 

The Socials

Guaranteed I am not the average university student. I do not enjoy going on club nights out and this year I did not apply to be in any society's, so I guess my first year has been what many people would describe as 'boring'. I do wish I joined some exciting and unique society to meet new people but maybe I will try that next year? I have not been to a club in university since Halloween and to be honest that really does not bother me. I would much rather have a Netflix night in with a Domino's. My kind of socials involves being with my friends at a bar, stuffing our faces with food and just chatting utter rubbish. 

The Work

This has been the hardest aspect of university for me except for the loneliness. Toward the last year of sixth form my mental health and education did not mix very well and this has been the case this year as well. I struggle with the motivation to do my work, with my anxiety preventing me enjoying particular elements of my course. Yes, I have not been to all of my lectures, not because I was hungover after a night out but because I could not bring myself mentally to go. I learnt that giving yourself a break and not being hard on yourself for needing time off was ok. The mental strain of university is not what most first years talk about but it is definitely tough to deal with.

Leaving Home

I have always been rather independent but in saying that I rarely went away from home. When I was younger I always got homesick and cried for my mum. But as I got older I liked my own space. I enjoy having my own space to call my own (even though it was a tiny box room). I feel like I have grown a lot as a person living on my own. I feel more like an 'adult' even if I am not very good at it. I never really missed home, I am not very far from it in reality, but still I would like to think I have succeeded in living on my own without dying.

All in all it has been a rollercoaster year, I will not lie there may have been slightly more downs than ups but I would not take this year back for anything. the first few months I struggled more so trying to get into a new routine and adapting to the university life, but it got easier and I enjoyed it more and more. I have grown so much as a person here in Bangor with the help of the people close to me here and I hope to continue to grown throughout my remaining years of university.

The Reality of an Eating Disorder

Eating disorders come in many shapes and sizes. It is always regarding a persons hatred towards their body, turning them towards self destructive tendencies. It is a way on control, when the person feels like they are spiralling. It is a voice inside their head leaving them blind to what is actually going on.

Anorexia, Bulimia, Binge Eating and Orthorexia to name a few.

All are eating disorders, all are very different, all evolve around control. Eating disorders are not something someone choses and it is not as easy as 'just eating a cheeseburger', or to 'eat normally', eating disorders are a routine to the person suffering with it. Everything revolves around their food. Plans with friends revolve around their meals. Strategic planning and manipulation comes with eating disorders, ways of hiding food, planning meals to the hour, skipping meals or avoiding situations that involve food. It is an isolating experience where you feel alone. 

Anorexia. The condition where a person quite literally starves themselves to death to achieve the ultimate goal of being skinny, but once it starts the person does not realise when to stop. They are never skinny enough in their eyes, no matter how many times you tell them that they look ill or too skinny. They want to see their ribs poking out because to them that is beautiful to them it is an achievement, they have warped sense of what real beauty is. All they see in the mirror is someone not good enough, a fat figure staring back at them, never skinny enough. The voice in their head tells them they should eat less and less. Even once a person is weight restored, the voice may still be there. It is a constant battle inside your own head. One voice telling you to not eat the pizza, for the fear it will make you fat, the other telling you it is okay and that you are stronger than your eating disorder. It is like a tug of war, however which side you let win every day is your choice, but you have to let your own conscious be stronger, not the voice of ANA and then overtime the voice will quieten.

The reality of Anorexia is that you are tired all the time, no clothes fit you properly, you fall out with your family and friends, you lose your period and your hair can fall out. No, it is not glamorous. 

Eating disorders make the person suffering isolate themselves, they think everyone is working against them. Time and patience with someone suffering from any one of these conditions is the only way a person will recover. Get them the help they need, even though sometimes they will not want it. Sometimes they need to come to the realisation themselves that they are killing their body. Recovery is possible as I have shown it. Yes there are days when I still battle and I do not know how long that will go on for, but what I do know is I do not want to go back to the shell of a person I was all those years ago. Now I try to love myself for who I am and the body I was given.

Reducing Your Plastic

Hi, yes I am studying marine biology and yes I am going to blab to you about saving the marine environment.

You are probably sick of hearing about your plastic usage nowadays, seeing as there are countless adverts and news articles on how they are polluting our planet. The reality is that plastics are in a way indeed killing our environment.

As a population we consume 245 million tonnes of plastic per year, with the overall cost of plastic pollution costing around 4.7 billion in that time (GESAMP, 2015). Not only is the issue in the greenhouse gases released when plastic eventually degrades, but also the effects plastic pollution is having on our animals, especially our marine organisms. A number of species are consuming the plastic packaging that has been dumped into the oceans by fisheries and the public themselves. They mistake its identity for a food source, for instance plastic bags are known to be consumed by turtles who mistake them for jellyfish. Plastic bags contain Polychlorinated biphenyls (PCB's) that are toxic for animals in high concentrations and can as a consequence lead to eutrophication further up the food chain therefore may even be harming ourselves without us even knowing. Also, animals like sea birds and other organisms are becoming entangled in parts of the packaging debris that floats along the surface of our oceans. This debilitates the animals and can lead to death, having catastrophic effects on our marine ecosystem and animals populations as a whole with certain sea turtle species numbers declining by up to 95% of their original population. If nothing is done this problem will just continue to escalate further.

The issue of plastic has become more widely known and this has led to many attempts being made to reduce our overall consumption as a planet. Many reusable alternatives are being produced with shops and restaurants being seen to scrap plastic usage all together and opting for more wholesale options where you bring your own bags and containers for produce.  Little steps can make a difference, whether it be you just taking a reusable cup to a coffee shop (which can save you money as well) or even taking your own metal straw rather than wasting the plastic ones. Also cutting the plastic packaging that comes on cans to hold them together or the rings off the long life milk sealers will prevent animals becoming trapped in them. Not being lazy is what will make the impact, make an effort to save our planet. Yes, it may be tedious to carry a reusable cup, straw or bag with you day to day, but the difference it will make is worthwhile. Please do not litter on the beaches or streets, find a recycling bin to reduce landfills. Taking part in beach cleans can really help your local council, it will protect the marine animals and also help to improve the appeal of your local beaches.

In a nutshell there are many things you can do to help, because in order to help combat the growing issue of plastic everyone needs to get on board. Realistically one person is not going to make a difference, everyone needs to take a step to reduce their plastic usage including you.

Vegan | 3 Years On

It has been 3 years since I changed to a vegan diet, I am not malnourished and I have actually gained a substantial amount of muscle mass on a 'protein deficient' diet as people call it.

I started off my vegan journey when I was 16. I was very much one of those 'preachy' vegans who dismissed all other diets, and wanted everyone to know the benefits of veganism. Whilst I was living a healthier lifestyle with my diet, with my eating disorder history I used it as a way to steer clear of certain foods I deemed 'unhealthy'. For my first year of being vegan I lived a very much 'clean' diet of salads and lots of fruit and vegetables. I rarely ate the meat substitutes and pretty much lived off salad and chips on meals out because that was all there was to offer back then.

When I turned 17 and started sixth form I discovered alcohol and parties. Yes, I was still vegan but I became less hard on myself and ate less 'healthy' choosing to enjoy myself more and live in the moment. If I wanted a burger (vegan of course) , I had it. Of course with alcohol comes impaired judgment and to no ones real surprise the vegan became a chicken nugget eating fiend when she had a few too many drinks. But that was okay, because slip up's are okay and I learnt to not kick myself down for doing it, even though I did often feel shitty the next day (and not just from the hangover). So a few slip ups were a thing in 2017.

2018, to be honest I slipped up less, once or twice. I started training at the gym a lot more frequently and pushed myself harder at every session. With training more I needed to fuel myself with more food, including upping my protein. Whilst I argue a vegan diet is not a 'protein deficient' diet, I did add protein powders and bars into my diet to build more muscle quicker. Though beans and vegetables can provide you with plenty enough protein for your daily requirements also. I started cooking a lot more for myself, making (kind of) healthy meals but with a lot more bits like fake meats, vegan cheeses and chocolates. Everywhere seemed to offer vegan options now, so no longer did I have to opt for a limp salad when I ate out. Balance was much more my thing this year and I no longer saw certain foods as 'unhealthy' but as treats instead.

2019. This marks my third year as being vegan (minus the slip ups). I cannot see myself not eating a vegan diet as I truly love the benefits it has given me. Even being vegan I have been able to gain muscle mass at the gym and continue to work hard, I am the strongest I have ever been and continue to get stronger. I have accepted balance when it comes to veganism, you do not have to go all or nothing. Small changes help, whether it be eating less meat or switching to a plant based milk, it is putting a foot in the right direction to living a more sustainable lifestyle.

Becoming a Gym Girl

When I was younger I was not the athletic type of person to say the least. I never competed on sports teams, the most I did was swimming. When I was around 14 I started doing little home workouts after discovering the miracle that is YouTube but most days I would only do one or two Blogilates videos and that was it for my exercise.

Going into sixth form I wanted to put on weight by gaining muscle and so I started the gym. All over the media was the growing appeal of girls with curves and butts, so I signed up to my local gym and started going regularly. Since joining the gym I have gone through many phases. I first started out by only doing leg day and training my booty. I did this by light weight squats and using the machines that were provided. When I started the gym I was very intimidated by the guys in the free weights area, so I stayed away.

As I became slowly stronger and more confident at the gym and going more regularly, I tried out new things. I started hypertrophy training by doing free bar squats and deadlifts in sets and I got my schedule down. Now, I train lower body twice a week and upper body twice, sometimes I do cardio once but very rarley (I am not much of a runner) but if I do it is a short inclined walk. I tend to do either sets of 8 or 10 depending on the weight I am using. Recently other than hypertrophy I have incorporated more hyperplasia training which requires doing less reps and has longer rest periods but using heavier weights and forces you to train your muscles harder. For example, I have started squatting 5 sets of 4/5 at my maximum weight where as before I would have done 3 sets of 8 at a lighter weight. I have found this has helped to prevent my muscles plateauing.

I use the gym as my me time, I put on my music and block out any anxiety or stress I have and put it all into my workout. When I up that weight a little each session I get that little bit of pride in myself knowing I am becoming stronger. Going from a girl who was scared to eat or workout because it would make me 'curvy' to a girl who strives to lift heavier each session and fuels herself with good food is something I am really proud of.

My Routine

1 x back and biceps
1 x leg day (butt focused)
1 x chest, shoulders and triceps
1 x leg day (hamstring and quad focused)

My Favourite Exercises

Free bar squats (5x5)
Deadlifts (5x6)
Push Presses (5x8)
Shoulder Press with dumbbells (3x8 or 10)
Cable chest flys (4x8)
Leg press (5x8)
Bulgarian split squats (4x6 per leg)

1st Semester of University

I made it through my first semester of university, I survived. I did not die of lack of food, or over-dosing on alcohol.

I learnt many things in my first semester of university. I think the most important one being me learning to survive on my own. I think I have become quite good at it, the adulting life is not all that bad so far. I have learnt the concept of budgeting (kind of), mostly entailing me making sure I can still afford alcohol at the end of the week. I equipped myself with the skills of washing up my dishes and doing my own laundry all of which were done for me at home. It makes you appreciate everything that little bit more when you do eventually go home for the holidays, like a double bed or a nice shower that does not just dribble or not having a shower curtain that likes to have a fight with you mid shower.

Starting lectures was a challenge. Yes, I was excited to delve into the science that is Marine Biology, but I was not quite prepared for the amount of new information that would be thrown my way and that I would be expected to absorb and regurgitate for exams. I wrote from first essay and report, learning the masters of completing work the day before it is due (yes you will always do it). Essays are hard, trying to blab 1000-2000 words on a subject you have no clue about proves a challenge but I did it and actually got a decent grade for it.

The people have been the best part about university for me. You are thrown into a pool of new and interesting faces. It is easy to meet people because you are literally all put in the same situation and everyone is looking for someone to hold onto to become friends with. I have met amazing people in my short time here and know I will continue to meet even more.

The downsides of university are still there amidst the good. It can put a strain on your mental health at times. Being away from home without that comfort blanket of people, it can be a lonely time sometimes. The stresses of deadlines can sometimes get overwhelming. But as a student you learn to deal with it and it will be okay in the end. University really is not all bad.

I am thankful for my time at university, enriching myself with new information within my degree and surrounding myself with the beautiful people I have met in my short time here.

Friendships and Loneliness

I don't think I have encountered much worse than losing people you love. Over the years I have made some true friendships that I hope will last a lifetime, but a few months ago I had to say goodbye to all of those people.

The first few days of being without someone makes you realise just how much you relied on that person. My friends have always been there for me. They know when I am in a bad mood and how to cheer me up, they laugh at my awful jokes and appreciate my slight stupidity. Not having them physically close to me breaks my heart a little and though that may sound dramatic it kind of is the truth. Being lonely is not something I thought I had experienced before, but losing friends you have had for the past 2, 7 and 13 years of your life, hurts. You have to tell them how things are going over the phone and whilst yes, you can still talk, it is not the same as being face to face. Do not get me wrong I have met some amazing new friends upon my time in university but there is still that hole of my friends miles away. It is an alienating thing.

It is not all doom and gloom as I know we will see each other as much as we can and when we do it will be special. We will make the most of the time we have together and I hope these people never leave my life completely but I wish them all the best for their futures.

Just because someone has walked out of your life it does not mean that you will never fill that hole, you have the memories that will remind you of the moments you spent together, you shall meet new people and make even more memories.

Body Image

Body image is a thing that many people struggle with, including me. I constantly have battles in my mind about whether I like the way I look on a certain day and I will not lie, more often than not I do not. I have good days and bad days. I have days where I see a picture of another girl and want to look like her and days where I don't mind what I see in the mirror. Sometimes I hate my short legs, other days I like them. Yes I have small boobs, do I want bigger ones? Maybe. Sometimes I want to be skinnier and others I want to be curvier. The amount you love yourself stems from your mental outlook on your own body.

We are used to seeing so many idealistic body shapes in todays society, whether it be curvy, toned or skinny. Though the media now displays a larger variety of body types, it still doesn't erase the issue of people being able to love themselves. Yes, girls and boys are no longer faced with just one ideal figure in magazines, but that still doesn't change the struggles people face mentally. You either always want to be curvier, stronger or skinnier. 

Loving yourself is what is important and accepting the fact that your body is the shape it is. No matter how hard you try it you might not be able to physically become the shape you so desire as you were born the way you are for a reason. Each person on this planet is different and no one worth less because of the way they look or dress.