Friendships and Loneliness

I don't think I have encountered much worse than losing people you love. Over the years I have made some true friendships that I hope will last a lifetime, but a few months ago I had to say goodbye to all of those people.

The first few days of being without someone makes you realise just how much you relied on that person. My friends have always been there for me. They know when I am in a bad mood and how to cheer me up, they laugh at my awful jokes and appreciate my slight stupidity. Not having them physically close to me breaks my heart a little and though that may sound dramatic it kind of is the truth. Being lonely is not something I thought I had experienced before, but losing friends you have had for the past 2, 7 and 13 years of your life, hurts. You have to tell them how things are going over the phone and whilst yes, you can still talk, it is not the same as being face to face. Do not get me wrong I have met some amazing new friends upon my time in university but there is still that hole of my friends miles away. It is an alienating thing.

It is not all doom and gloom as I know we will see each other as much as we can and when we do it will be special. We will make the most of the time we have together and I hope these people never leave my life completely but I wish them all the best for their futures.

Just because someone has walked out of your life it does not mean that you will never fill that hole, you have the memories that will remind you of the moments you spent together, you shall meet new people and make even more memories.

Body Image

Body image is a thing that many people struggle with, including me. I constantly have battles in my mind about whether I like the way I look on a certain day and I will not lie, more often than not I do not. I have good days and bad days. I have days where I see a picture of another girl and want to look like her and days where I don't mind what I see in the mirror. Sometimes I hate my short legs, other days I like them. Yes I have small boobs, do I want bigger ones? Maybe. Sometimes I want to be skinnier and others I want to be curvier. The amount you love yourself stems from your mental outlook on your own body.

We are used to seeing so many idealistic body shapes in todays society, whether it be curvy, toned or skinny. Though the media now displays a larger variety of body types, it still doesn't erase the issue of people being able to love themselves. Yes, girls and boys are no longer faced with just one ideal figure in magazines, but that still doesn't change the struggles people face mentally. You either always want to be curvier, stronger or skinnier. 

Loving yourself is what is important and accepting the fact that your body is the shape it is. No matter how hard you try it you might not be able to physically become the shape you so desire as you were born the way you are for a reason. Each person on this planet is different and no one worth less because of the way they look or dress. 

Starting University

When talking to people about starting university the first things most people ask you is 'are you excited?' or they say 'you'll have the time of your life'.

I was terrified.

I didn't get the grades I wanted in my A-levels and that made university seem all that little bit more scary to me. I was filled with anxiety over the fact I didn't feel smart enough and that I would fall fast behind. I have always been a perfectionist and so for me those thoughts I was having were hard to overcome in my head.

I have also never been the type of person who was good with change. I spent the majority of my summer anticipating the big move to university, going onto the next chapters of my life. Saying goodbye to the people I love most was difficult and it is still hard to be apart from them. I miss spending time with the close friends I made in my life, but they too now live miles from home. It can be lonely, even though I know the goodbye is not forever. However, not having that safety network of people who have been there for you through all the good and bad times in your life can be daunting and lonely. Most of all, I would say not having your Mum there with your dinner waiting on the dinner table when you come home or you having to do your own washing, really makes you appreciate all the things your family did for you and makes coming home feel like you are staying in a 5 star hotel.

But it is true when people say you will meet some amazing new people in university, as I know I have. I have settled into life on my own and I am learning about a subject I love, so I guess life is going okay.