The Past Decade

I was once a girl who dressed in bright clothes and odd headbands. 10 years later, I am still that girl.

What has this past decade taught me? Well I started the 2010’s as a bright eyed, energetic 10 year old. I was a classic tom boy who loved climbing and swimming but also loved reading. Fast forward 10 years I’m now a less more energetic 20 year old who along the way has fought some battles, met some beautiful people and the most terrifying part is I became an adult.

The thing they do not teach you growing up is how to deal with emotions and changes going on with your body and life. From the age of 10 to 20 my body has gone through a lot of changes. I’ve been from primary school, to secondary school, to sixth form and now to uni. I made friends, I lost friends. I learnt a whole lot and not just to do with the academic side of things.

At the start of the decade I was faced with the excitement and nerves that came with starting secondary school. I loved learning and knew I was going to a new school with some of my best friends. A new beginning was what I wanted.

When I turned 12 I struggled with the changes that was happening in my life and in order to deal with it I turned to controlling behaviours surrounding food. For me this part of the decade was one of my toughest. I was blindsided as to what I was doing to my body and was hurting the people around me. I was consumed in my thoughts and do not really remember a whole lot from this time as I mentally blocked it out. 2012-2013 was rather tough on me mentally but I got through it and learnt a lot about myself in doing so, I used to not like what I saw in the mirror and now almost 8 years later I have learned to love and accept my figure.

2013 was the year I started this blog. I wanted somewhere to create, somewhere I could write about the things I was passionate about. Yes, overtime my passions have changed and I have taken many breaks from this site. But looking back I am glad I did this, I am proud of what I write about even if not many people see it and I think I will always come back to writing as a way to express myself.

2014, year 9, not a whole lot to say, not a lot happened, a walk in the park compared to all the other years if you ask me

2015, the start of GCSE’s, the start of the stress. The perfectionist I am I tried my hardest these years, I revised my butt off and stressed maybe a little too much. Now I know those results do not mean a whole lot to anyone, they probably weren’t worth the stress I put myself under, but I got the results I wanted and results I am proud of. I also began my veganism journey and expanded my knowledge on the harsh realities of animal cruelty, this year was when I started to want to make a difference to help.

2016 marked the start of sixth form. Moving schools again was a daunting prospect to a girl who is now more reserved and quiet when compared to her 10 year old self. I liked to stay out of gossip and not draw attention to myself, I liked fitting in. Sixth form was the biggest jump for me. We were thrown into a group of people who already knew each other, all had their own groups and a completely new environment. I was nervous but quickly found my feet in my new lessons and settled into a group of friends who welcomed the new kids with open arms

2017, where I loved sixth form and got into the swing of the new school fully. I had experienced so many new things, had relationships, learnt the stresses of the A-level workload and been to a few parties. All of this was new to the quiet now 17 year old me, but here was where I came out of my shell and developed more as a person to who I am today and I am thankful for the experiences I had in sixth form. I was comfortable in my body, I started the gym and no longer wanted to just ‘fit in’.

2018 was the final year before I was set free to move away to uni. This year I continued to grow as a person, I found myself and became a girl I am proud to be. I learnt to never be ashamed of what happens in your past because it makes you who you are today. This year impacted my mental health, something I hadn’t really thought of since 2013. Stress got the better of me and I found myself struggling with my A-levels, no matter how hard I revised. This year again was tough but I got through it with the help of friends and family and managed to get into my chosen university that was Bangor.

Moving away from home was daunting. I have always been a home body who didn’t enjoy being away, but I had to give it a try. I moved into Bangor initially not knowing anyone, I was alone for the first time in a while. I had always loved the sea and so I plunged into choosing a marine vertebrae zoology course which I still to this day love. Within the first few days I met two amazing girls and over our time at university we have become extremely close and share a whole lot with each other, they made the whole living alone situation a lot easier and I am proud to now call them my housemates. This year I also met a very special person to me. I wasn’t even really looking for him but he found me and I could not have asked for a better companion to go throw the crazy life that is university with me. With him I feel I can truly be myself and he accepts every part of me without judgement. I fell in love with the gym more than ever and I also restarted my blog wanting to write about things that I have battled with and things that I believed in.

2019 brought more university life and some crazy experiences. My course has been so insightful and interesting, something I truly do love to learn about. My friends are beautiful humans and I have met even more lovely people along the way. Yes this year may have been one of the toughest for me mentally towards the end of this year, but I have had a solid unit of friends around me to keep me going through the stress of second year and I couldn’t ask for better people to be moving into 2020 with.

So yes this past decade I have had my struggles. I have changed a whole lot. I had had up’s and downs. But this past decade I have found myself as a person and I have grown into someone I am proud to be. I learned to start to love myself and that I continue to try and do, so that I can properly love the people around me.

Cruelty Free Skincare Routine

I have been cruelty free for 4 years now and more recently I have been trying to reduce my plastic usage, especially in my day to day skincare routine. Products I would usually buy that are in plastic packaging I have invested time into looking for alternatives in glass or reusable containers. I keep my routine simple and natural trying to steer clear of harsh chemicals on my skin. I use a lot of Lush and always make sure to return my black pots for the store to reuse for future products to save throwing them away.

Morning 
1. I first splash my face with cold water when I wake up and then use the Aqua Marina cleanser from Lush on my face, an all natural cleanser with extracts of seaweed and calamine which helps to reduce excess oil build up meaning it is perfect for oily skin. I then wash this off with a warm face cloth or reusable cotton round.
2. I then follow this up with a facial oil and the one I am currently using is Boots Botanics Organic Facial Oil that does not leave me feeling greasy but hydrated.

Nightime
1. If I have been wearing makeup that day I tend to remove it using plain old coconut oil that you can buy from regular supermarkets. I grab a bit and rub it on my face, then take a reusable cotton round to rub off the excess makeup.
2. I then go in with a gentle scrub, my favourite for years now has been the Ocean Salt by Lush. This again is great for oily skin, with sea salt, seaweed and avocado extracts helping to buff away the dead skin whilst still leaving your skin feeling nourished.
3. Sometimes (if I remember) I will do a face-mask, this is usually once or twice a week. I tend to go for a Lush one, like Cup O' Coffee mainly because I love the smell. But I also love how it leaves my skin feeling and looking rejuvenated.
4. I will finish up with some form of a night moisturiser to make sure my skin is kept hydrated overnight. I again tend to go for a more natural one that is not to harsh on my skin, and often find myself using the Sukin Moisture Restoring Night Cream that I can find in TKMaxx a lot of the time.

An Eating Disorder 7 Years On

When I first developed my eating disorder I was around the age of 13. My body was going through many changes and me having a perfectionist attitude towards most things, including the way I look, I found myself wanting control how I looked. I was consumed by my anorexia to the point where I wasn't sure of my identity without it, food was controlling me.

I am now 20. Back when I was in the depths of my recovery I didn't think I would ever gain weight and be happy. Now 7 years on I am a healthy weight, I enjoy working out for my health and I enjoy food. I can go out for food and I can miss a day of working out without feeling guilty, most of the time. Yes, I still have bad days, there are times when I feel my self going for the lower calorie option, giving into the voice residing in my head. This happens even though I am recovered, but I do not see it as a failure, I move on and try to do better next time. I still sometimes feel guilty about what I have eaten. I sometimes still look in the mirror and not like what I see, but that is ok.  I do not believe I will fully get over my past with an eating disorder. I accept it is probably something I am going to have to live with for the rest of my life, but the difference is I am no longer consumed by those negative thoughts. Now I fight those thoughts daily and keep winning, every time you do something against what the voice in your head is telling you, it is a win. I refuse to go back to the shell of a person I once was. Back when I was 13 I used to think the way a person looked was everything, I wanted to look the way models looked, even though for my body that was not a healthy ideal. I have learned what was healthy for my body and for me. Even three years ago, years after I was 'weight restored', I still had fear foods, I hated eating out and stuck to healthy foods. As time went on I grew as a person and now I can eat out multiple times a week and feel comfortable with my curvier figure, I enjoy treating myself now, I am less harsh on myself for having a treat.

What helped me throughout the years was seeing the variety of body shapes seen across the media today that are seen as beautiful. There is not only one perfect body, it should be healthy and make you happy, screw the outdated stereotypes, every shape is beautiful. Back in 2013 there was few if any curvier girls in magazines or on social media, all of them were stick thin. Though yes that figure may be attainable, beautiful and healthy to some people, a 13 year old girl seeing exclusively thin girls online at such an impressionably age can deem harmful and for me it did, that along with other reasons led me to be taken into the darkness of an eating disorder. It is not the way you look that is important, it is the way you act and treat people that truly matters, if you are a good person you are truly beautiful.

Today the world is changing and adapting, it is accepting eating disorders more widely as a serious condition. I hope that in the future less people will find themselves in the position I once was.

Plastic Swaps

By 2050 there will be more plastic in our oceans than marine life. As more organisms die due to our own plastic pollution in their oceans something needs to be done. Plastic needs to be gone from our oceans, it does not degrade, it stays there, for years on end being carried from continent to continent withheld in the currents and in the forms of micro plastics. Marine organisms end up consuming it or becoming entangled, leading to death. Species of turtles and whales are facing extinction because of us. In the very near future there may be no more sea creatures left, simply due to the effects of plastic and we will lose a beautiful and essential part of our ecosystem.

Reducing your plastic usage is simple.

Simple Swaps 

• Bagged produce - for unpackaged produce with reusable produce bags 
• Toothbrush - for a bamboo toothbrush (completely compostable)
• Floss - for bamboo toothpicks
• Plastic bottle - for stainless steel water bottle
• Single use coffee cup - for stainless steel or bamboo coffee cup
• Stop with the single use straws and stirrers - use a plain old metal spoon to stir your drinks and invest in some metal or bamboo straws
• Sanitary products - invest in a moon cup or washable pads, yes they are still sanitary and hygenic (Bloom&Nora)
• Use flannels and reusable cotton rounds made from fabric (Cheeky Wipes)
• Cleaning products - look for refillable or glass bottled cleaning products (Plastic Freedom), there is often a shop offering this in your local area (Chester one - (Just Footprints)
• Beauty products - try to look for things packaged in glass, wood or even packaging free items, Lush has some amazing minimal packaging makeup items such as concealer (Lush)
• Pasta/rice/flour etc - go to your local bulk buy store and take your own containers (Chester one - Just Footprints)
• Notebooks - avoid leather and plastic covered notebooks and opt for recycled paper ones (Ethical Market)

These are just a few swaps you can make to make a difference. Yes there is a lot of mention of bamboo here, but the reason for that is it is a great resource to replace plastic. Bamboo is one of the fastest growing plants on the planet and so large amounts of it can be used in a short space of time as the regrowth is amazing. Also, with increasing funding being put into the plastic issue, more biodegradable alternatives are being tried and tested in the hopes to be used in the manufacturing industry. Here is a link to a post showing just a few (Packaging Alternatives). If this postive approach is to continue we can see our oceans and eradicate plastics for good.You do not have to go and do every single one of these steps to make an impact. Just one of these swaps will help reduce your plastic consumption by a considerable amount, more than you realise. The time is now to save our oceans or otherwise they will be past repair.